Slow Descent
by reggietheus
Summary: Set at end of season 3, a long road lies ahead for Seth, who turns to harsher drugs before prom, to cover up an even bigger secret he's been trying to keep.
1. Chapter 1

disclaimer: none of its mine

the slow descent 

"Cohen! Are you kidding me with this stuff?" Summer flashed the bag of marijuana in front of Seth's glazed over face.

"Huh? What? Woah, where did you get that?"

"I got it in your room. In your desk. Where you apparently stash your… stash! What the hell, Cohen?"

"Ok, I can explain this one Summer, just slow your roll. I was stressing out over the whole Brown thing and…"

"I don't want to hear it. I can't believe you actually have this stuff."

"Yeah, ok, speaking of this stuff, how about we get it out of my parents' living room and someplace a little more user-friendly."

"Oh yeah, I'll relocate it, don't even worry about it." Summer marched toward the door,

"No, no, I meant upstairs. Where are you going?"

"I'm taking care of this," Summer stared into Seth's eyes with disappointment, "I can't believe you would do this, Seth. I mean, Marissa and I would partake back in the day, but you? I expected more out of you."

Summer closed the door behind her and left Seth alone in the house. He threw his arms up in disbelief and sulked back upstairs. But instead of thinking about Summer's blatant disillusionment, all he could think about is where he'd get his next joint.

two months later

_The group is getting ready for their senior prom. The situation with Seth and Summer has not been discussed since it occurred and all assume Seth has stopped smoking pot. Ryan, Marissa are at the diner and Summer walks in with a magazine. _

"Hey Coop, which dress is best? The orange or the purple?"

"Both are really cute," Marissa says.

"Oh my gosh, who am I kidding? They both look like vomit. I'm never going to find a dress by next week." Summer pouted as she slid into the booth beside Marissa.

"You still haven't gotten one?" Marissa asked surprised.

"No! That's why I'm freaking out! Like, complete meltdown overload!"

"Well, maybe we should all just skip prom this year." Ryan suggested casually.

"What?" The girls exclaimed in unison.

"Well, it's just a week away and we have nothing planned, just thought it would be a---ok, nevermind, the evil death stare indicates I stepped over the line."

"Uh, yeah! It's our _senior_ prom. Nothing is going to stop it from happening or ruin it while we're there." Summer said with a smile as she flipped through the magazine.

"Hey, where's Seth?" Ryan asked as the drinks came from the waitress.

"He was having lunch with Sandy," Summer replied. Ryan looked up quizzically,

"Really? I thought Sandy was meeting with investors today."

"Maybe Cohen went along? I don't know, that's what he said. Oh, Coop! Check this one out!" Summer moved on from the Seth query and focused on the dresses that lay before her on the pages of her magazine.

Seth is walking along the pier and nods his head to a man standing several feet away.

"What's happening, Marco?" Seth yells out to a hippie looking guy selling ties on a cart.

"Not much, Seth, how've you been man? It's been a couple days, thought you weren't coming around anymore."

"Naw, I'm your go to guy, don't even sweat it. So did you get that imported tie I asked for?"

"Right on, man, I got it right here. Italian silk, it's some fine quality, so the price is up there."

"Oh come on, Marco, I've been buying ties from you for the last two months, you can't cut me a deal? Ten percent discount maybe?"

"All right, all right. Originally it was going to be sixty, but I'll sell for forty. But nothing lower than that man, I've got to make a living."

Seth leans in drops the cash to Marco's hand and says in a whisper "yeah, illegally, but whatever. Is it what I asked for this time? Last week you stuck me with Alprazolam and that did nothing for me, man."

"I got you covered this time, you got the rock and the pills you like."

"Now that's what I'm talking about Marco, you're a champion."

"I do what I can. Be careful with that stuff, man. It ain't healthy."

"I'll take that risk with these ties, Marco. They're premium goods." Marco hands him a small shopping bag.

"Thanks, come again." Seth walks off with the bag in his hand and a grin on his face.

"Cohen, you better have that tie on straight." Summer yelled from the bathroom.

"What? What tie, I didn't buy a tie!?" Seth explained worriedly.

"What? I got it for you yesterday, you didn't lose it did you?" They were running late for prom and were getting ready together at the Cohen's house.

"Oh, right, _that_ tie. Don't worry about it, I got it covered. Hey, Sum? I'll be downstairs all right? Come on down whenever you're ready!"

"It's gonna be a few minutes! And I'm not coming out until it's completely perfect."

"Take your time!" Seth yelled back to her. He turned to his drawer and pulled out a book. He flipped it open and in the middle was a perfect square cut out of the pages in which a bottle of pills and a vile of cocaine lay. He pocketed the container and opened the bottle of pills. He popped three back and swallowed them without water—he had done this all before. He closed the book and headed toward the door.

"I'll be downstairs!" He sauntered down the stairs where his parents greeted him with smiles and a camera.

"Oh, Seth, you look so handsome!" Seth smiled awkwardly and replied with a quick thanks. In came Ryan and Marissa and their attention turned toward the happy couple. Pictures were taken of the group after Summer came downstairs ready to go and here's where the picture montage takes place….

It was a prom like none other, and only one that Harbor High could master. The foursome entered the cavernous hall and exchanged happy glances with passersby and each other. Before they could make it to the photo stand, Seth spoke up to Summer, "I'll be right back." She gave him an annoyed glance, but then saw a friend and greeted them with a wave.

Seth enters the bathroom at the prom and locks the door behind him. He takes out the cocaine and lines it up on the counter and then busts out a rolled dollar bill already in his pocked. He sniffs the coke and looks up to the mirror and looks at himself. He looks in disbelief for a few moments, but then sets up another line of coke and takes it. He does this three more times until it all runs out. He leaves the bathroom and goes back to the dance floor.

"Want some punch, Cohen? I'm pretty sure someone spiked it, which makes it that much better." Summer handed Seth the cup and he drinks it in one gulp.

"Damn, Co, what's up with the chugging capabilities?"

"Nothing," he stares out to the dance floor with a glazed look on his face, "let's dance." He drags Summer out to the floor and they dance alongside Marissa and Ryan. An hour later the group sits at a table drinking punch and watching the dancers.

"Well this is nice, I'm so glad we're all here together," Summer says to the group,

"Don't go all sentimental, Sum," Marissa warns her.

"I know, I know, but seriously guys, this is the last dance of high school, ever. We're growing up." Seth looks up to his friends and mumbles something.

"What Cohen? Don't make fun of me for this, I'm allowed my five seconds of looking back fondly on high school, which technically isn't even over yet."

Seth stared aimlessly against the circulating lights and Ryan noticed his gaze.

"You all right, man?" He said softly, grabbing Seth's shoulder, which helped him to stay upright as he began to lean forward.

"Yeah, ok, I'm gonna go upstairs for a bit." Seth gets up and trips a bit over his chair,

"I'm fine, I'm totally fine." He says and sets the chair back in its original position and staggers away.

"What's going on with him?" Marissa asked the group.

"I don't know, but I'm finding out," Ryan said with determination.

"Don't worry about it, he's been acting like that all night. I think it's the punch, I can't believe the chaperones haven't caught onto that one yet," suggested Summer.

Ryan looked unsure and stood up, "I'm just going to check on him." He walked up the grand staircase, aligned with alternating flowers and twinkling lights. When Ryan reached the top of the stairs he saw Cohen hunched over near the railing to his left, his hands gripping at the banister.

"Hey, Seth, you all right man?" Ryan scurried over to his friend.

"Ryan, I did something stupid."

"What, what is it?" Seth winced in pain and looked Ryan straight in the eyes.

"Don't tell Summer."

"Don't tell her what, talk to me Seth."

"I'm so stupid, this is so stupid." Seth tried to make his way toward the stairs, "I should go, I have to go."

"What are you on, Seth?" Ryan asked with genuine concern and realizing something was messing with Seth's mind.

"Coke, pills, everything. Anything" He started slurring and then fell backward, crashing to the ground in a mangled heap.

"Seth! Seth, come on, man!" Ryan whipped out his cell phone and dialed 9-1-1.

"Ambulance, I need one out at the Harbor High prom, we're at the Jacob's plaza." He paused and then hung up the phone, leaning over Seth and trying to shake him back to consciousness.

Ryan stood up and looked over the railing and caught Marissa's attention and waved her up. She tapped Summer's shoulder as they sat at the round table and pointed toward Ryan as they got up to meet him.

All Summer could see once she reached the top of the stairs was Ryan leaning over a passed out guy in black, with a crowd of onlookers surrounding. "Seth…" she whispered to herself.

"Oh my god, Seth!" She yelled and pushed her way through the burgeoning crowd. "Ryan, what the hell happened?" Ryan looked at Summer with concern and then his eyes darted to Marissa.

"An ambulance is on its way, go out and wait for it." Marissa made her way back through the crowd and rushed outside to flag them down.

"Ryan! Answer me, what's going on?" Summer said in a fluster, unable to tear her eyes away from a broken Seth.

"He O.D.ed." A hushed mumble escaped throughout the crowd and they started to whisper what Ryan had said to one another.

"What?" Summer's breath quickened and she grabbed Seth's hand, which fell limp in her own. "Ryan, is he even breathing? Ryan!"

"I don't know what to do, there's nothing I can do." He yelled back, looking over his shoulder for the paramedics, who had yet to arrive.

"I can't lose him, Ryan. Not to this, oh god." Tears streamed down Summer's face in disbelief and horror as Seth started to convulse.

It was then Marissa ran in with two paramedics following her, pushing a stretcher and medical bags. She pointed toward the crowd and they ran across the foyer toward Seth.

"What's he on?" The first paramedic automatically asked, assuming the worst and being right.

"Um, he said coke and pills." Ryan confessed.

"He was drinking, too. The punch, it's spiked." Summer offered up and Ryan looked at her with widening eyes.

"He was drinking, too?" Ryan stretched his hands behind his head and closed his eyes, hoping the scene unfolding in front of him would be a nightmare and not reality. But when he opened them, it just got worse as the paramedics stuck a tube down Seth's throat.

"We need to get him to the ambulance and pump his stomach. St. John's hospital, tell his parents, any of you family?" The second paramedic asked.

"I'm his brother, I'll go with him," Ryan said, following the stretcher.

"What about me?" Summer pleaded, her voice soft with shock.

"I'll drive, let's go, Sum," Marissa offered, shaking the keys in her right hand. She grabbed Summer with the other and led her to the parking lot, where they got in their car and followed the blazing red and blue lights all the way to the hospital.

Marissa went to open the door, but noticed Summer's stoic position in the passenger seat.

"Why?" Summer asked innocently.

"Come on, let's go in and see what's happening."

"Why would he do this?" She stared blankly out the front windshield.

"I don't know. Only Seth can answer that."

"We should call his parents," she said, shutting her eyes. "How do you tell them something like this."

"Ryan probably called already, you won't have to tell them, it's ok."

"How could I not know?"

"Maybe tonight was his first time, how were you to know."

"I knew he was smoking pot," Summer started.

"Summer, we both know that smoking pot is meaningless."

"But not for Seth! Seth doesn't do that, or at least I thought he didn't. I should have talked to him about it instead of just getting mad. It's not something he does, I don't know why I didn't just see it."

"Come on, he'll be all right, let's go in." As they walked toward the hospital sliding doors, Sandy and Kirsten ran toward the entrance from behind them.

"Girls, is he all right?" Kirsten asked, worry stricken.

"We don't know, we…" Marissa stopped mid-sentence as Sandy and Kirsten ran ahead of them through the doors. In the waiting room, Ryan was pacing back and forth, staring at the ground.

"Ry," Sandy went over to his son and gave him a hug. He pulled back and grabbed his shoulders and stared at him. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, yeah, Sandy, I'm fine. Seth, they uh, had to pump his stomach. He, uh, was really bad." He looked back at the ground and relived the moments within the ambulance.

"What the hell happened?" Sandy asked softly, yet with a hint of sternness.

"Before he passed out, he said he did some cocaine and took some pills. There was alcohol in the punch and he drank it, they said he overdosed."

Sandy took his hands off Ryan and covered his face in anguish and disbelief. Kirsten stood behind him with similar shock written all over her demeanor. They stood there for a few moments until a doctor came out, "Seth Cohen?" The group of five made their way to the doctor,

"Sit down, kids," Sandy motioned toward the seats in the waiting room. He turned to the doctor, "How's my son?"

"So, he's in a coma." Summer stated, rather than asked, as Sandy explained what happened.

"He's in the ICU and has a chest tube. He isn't breathing on his own. They need to watch him really closely for the night," Sandy elaborated.

"Sandy, I'm so sorry," Ryan said, pleading with his eyes.

"This isn't your fault. This is Seth's fault."

"Sandy…" Kirsten said, a bit disapprovingly.

"What? This is the dumbest thing he could have done. Drugs? How didn't we know this. Did any of you know this?"

They all shook their heads and Summer looked up at him, "If I knew, I would have said something. I've been so obsessed with making prom perfect, I had no idea…" she trailed off, tears emerging.

"Ok, kids, why don't you go home. It's been a long night, you need to rest."

"No," they said in unison. "Ok, well at least get some coffee or something, I need to talk to Sandy." The three got up and went to the hallway to find a machine.

"Kirsten, can you believe this?"

"I guess it runs in the family."

"What? Honey, come on, don't think like that."

"It's just the truth. We both have addictive personalities. If he doesn't come out of this, I'll never forgive myself," Kirsten collapsed on one of the chairs and Sandy placed his hand on her back.

"You can't blame genetics. We'll get to the bottom of this, don't blame yourself. If you're going to blame anybody, blame him!"

"Sandy, he's just a kid. They do drugs, they drink alcohol. It happens."

"No. No! Not our kid. You don't get to generalize this situation, we expect more from our kid."

"Well, maybe there's the problem," Kirsten retorted. "We put so much pressure on him to do well."

"So he resorts to cocaine? Kirsten, I understand pressure, but come on! Take a walk, watch a movie, you don't snort a line of coke." Ryan emerged with two cups of coffee and stared at his parents.

"Here I, uh, got you some coffee."

"Thanks, Ryan," Sandy grabbed the coffee. The three of them sat down and stared against the wall.

"He's going to be all right," Ryan said resolutely. "He has to be."


	2. Chapter 2

Slow Descent.

(Not sure at what point people found out Seth didn't get into Brown, so I'm just assuming no one except for Ryan knew.)

Part Two.

Ryan sat in a chair overlooking Seth's limp body in the hospital bed. The Cohens spent the night in the waiting room and come dawn, Seth had finally woken up for a brief moment, but long enough for the doctors to ensure recovery.

As Ryan stared at his brother, he kept getting flashbacks to the ambulance ride. Seth had thrown up and had two seizures by the time they got him to the emergency room. He unknowingly had sudden, yet soft, outbursts while he slept. He called out for Summer a few times, he yelled out the word "Brown." But the thing that stuck with Ryan the most was when Seth uttered three heartbreaking words: "let me die."

Sandy and Kirsten walked in without a knock and startled Ryan out of his thoughts.

"How is he?" Sandy asked tiredly.

"He's all right, talking in his sleep a bit, but he hasn't woken up," Ryan responded. "The doctor was waiting for you to get back, talk to you about the recovery."

"All right, I'll go find him," Kirsten left the room and a few minutes later came back with the doctor.

"Can't say I haven't seen this before," he began. "Prom night gone awry. In terms of his physical health, he should be fine. Tired, sore, but he'll be ok in a few days. But as for his mental capacity, as with all drug overdoses, he'll have to have therapy,"

"Is that really necessary?" Kirsten innocently asked.

"It's mandatory in cases like these. You should think about sending him to rehab if this is an ongoing problem."

"It's not, and we can assure you, it won't happen again," Sandy said, ignoring Kirsten's worried glance.

"The on-floor counselor can tell you more about the program. He can leave tonight, assuming he wakes up and feels strong enough."

"Thank you very much, Dr. Stevenson. You've been very helpful through all of this."

"It's every parent's nightmare," and with that, the doctor left the room.

Sandy spoke up, "I think we should head back to the house."

"You don't think we should wait for him to wake up? I don't want him to be alone," Kirsten pleaded.

"He'll be all right; we should worry a little about ourselves. We'll get some sleep, he can't leave until tonight anyway. He can't do any more harm as long as he's in the hospital. Come on, Ryan, let's go." As Sandy guided Ryan to the door, he looked back and a flash of pity went through his eyes as he watched Seth sleep. As soon as the door closed, Seth opened his eyes.

He slowly propped himself up with his elbows and winced in some pain. He swung his legs over the bed and tried to get up, but the IV in his arm prevented him from doing so. "Damn," he said softly to himself. He grabbed it with his free hand and tried to yank it out and in the process, yelped in pain. "Son of a, ok…what am I doing?"

Still dressed in the obligatory hospital gown, he searched the room for his clothes from the night before. He found them folded in the corner of the room and made his way over to them. He slowly changed into his pants and button-up white shirt and left the top two unbuttoned. Some blood from where he tore out the IV started to soak through his left sleeve. He took his jacket and draped it over the stain and headed toward the door. With a swift movement, he swung the door back and looked over to his bed. "Screw this."

Seth was almost through the front doors of the hospital when he spotted Summer coming towards him. He tried to duck to the waiting room, but she saw him before he could fully sit down.

"Cohen? Oh God, you're all right." She hurried toward him and squatted at his feet, leaning up against his knees. Looking up at him, she saw the exasperation in his face.

"Seth, talk to me. What were you thinking? What the hell were you thinking?" He looked at her as he leaned his head against his right hand, rubbing his temples. Closing his eyes he let out a breath.

"I was thinking that I can't do this anymore."

"What? What do you mean?"

"I'm not good enough for you," he replied.

"Seth, don't say that. That's terrible, don't--"

"Stop it." He said softly.

"—even go there. After all we've been through, don't say that. I was up all night thinking about you and--"

"Stop it," he said again, a bit louder.

"I was so scared I wouldn't be with you again. And we wouldn't go to Brown and you wouldn't wake up."

"Stop it!" This time Seth yelled at her and she stood up, staring down at him. He couldn't raise his head to meet her eyes.

"I'm not going to Brown. I didn't get in," Summer looked confused and kept her gaze on him. "I can't do this anymore, Summer. You're too good for me and you always have been. I'm bringing you down, so you know what?" He stood up and looked at her straight on.

"We're done." He walked out of the hospital, leaving a destroyed Summer behind, mouth open in shock.

-----

The phone rang as soon as the Cohens opened the front door. Kirsten ran to answer. As she spoke on the phone, Sandy and Ryan made their way to the kitchen.

"Sandwich?"

"Sure, Sandy." Ryan studied Sandy's movements.

"Don't be mad at him," Ryan said slowly.

"I think I've earned the right to be a little upset, don't you think? My son is doing drugs."

"I know, but this isn't going to be easy for him if you're mad."

"Who said it'd be easy? I'm not mad at him, I'm disappointed."

"Maybe that's worse," Ryan admitted and then noticed Kirsten in the doorway, clutching the phone.

"He's not there," she said.

"What?" The men asked in unison.

"That was the hospital. Seth left, they can't find him."

"I'm going to look for him," Ryan started toward the door.

"Don't bother," Sandy said, shaking his head and continued making his lunch.

"What? Sandy, we can't just leave him out there, what if something happens?" Kirsten pleaded.

"Something already did happen! Just let him do what he wants, he's 18, he's an adult."

"No, he's my son. And I don't care how old he is, I can't just let him wander around alone," she yelled back. "Ryan, go. Call if you find him."

"Sure thing," and with that Ryan moved passed Kirsten and got out his cell phone to call Marrisa.

"Marissa, he's missing. He left the hospital," he said as he started the car. Marissa responded,

"Summer saw him, she saw him leave the hospital."

"What? When?"

"About twenty minutes ago. He broke up with her, Ryan. I just talked to her, she's devastated. She said he's never acted like that before."

"Does she know where he went?"

"She didn't say anything, check the pier? The bait shop, maybe?"

"I'm on it," Ryan hung up and made his way to Seth's hotspots, hoping he was there, but knowing that Seth wouldn't be so predictable.

Back at the Cohen's, Kirsten stared at her husband in disbelief.

"You know, Sandy. I've seen you show more compassion to complete strangers than to your own son right now."

"I'm sorry if that's how it seems, but yeah, maybe I don't have any sympathy for the kid."

"After eighteen years of next to no trouble, you think we'd get off scott free? Please, Sandy, even you messed up in your day."

"Not like this I didn't!" His voice rising, "He just broke all trust with this, Kirsten. I don't see how he can ever gain it back."

"Well, too bad. When you all wanted me to go to rehab, you might have been angry with me, but never anything like this. You're just being coldhearted," Kirsten retorted.

"That was different, you were going through--"

"What? What was I going through? Life? Yeah, I was, just like everyone else. There isn't any excuse for it, but these things just happen. You make bad choices; you think there's no other solution. I can understand that. I don't agree or approve, but I can understand it. And a shred of understanding from your end would really be appreciated right now, more than ever."

"Well that's great for you. As for me, I've never been so disgusted with my own family. I can't even look at him." Sandy turned to leave and then saw Seth standing near the dining room. Seth blankly stared at his father, with a mix of betrayal and disappointment stricken on his face.

"That won't be a problem, dad. I'll get out of your way, stop being such a disgrace to the impeccable Cohen family." he said, defeated, and turned to leave. After a moment of silence and shock, Sandy started,

"Seth, what are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here? I came to apologize for what I've done. But I guess you won't be accepting any apologies any time soon."

"Seth, sit down. We need to talk about this," Kirsten said.

"No, mom, that's all right," he said, still staring at his father. "I've disappointed far too many people today, I think I'll just cut my losses and run." He turned to leave again, but Sandy called out for him.

"You're not going anywhere." Seth quickly turned with anger and strength he didn't know he possessed.

"You want to try and make me? Come on, dad, give me the best lecture you can think of. Throw some punches if you want, I don't care. I've already taken a verbal beating, why not some physical abuse for good measure." Seth sauntered toward his dad with his arms open, inviting a punch he knew his father would never throw.

"What you did..."

"You have no idea what I did. You don't even know me. We play a round of idle conversation every morning over coffee and bagels, so you think you know me?"

"Oh, ok. I see. So this was all my fault. I didn't give you enough attention, is that it?"

"Not even close."

"Then why, Seth?" Kirsten asked and moved toward her son. "Why?"

"Want to know the real kicker? I don't know," he threw his arms up in doubt. "I don't know. Why did you drink? Is there any concrete reason?" Kirsten stared back at him without a reply, "I didn't think so. You don't have to worry about me. I'm sorry I put you through this. It was stupid and parallel to popular belief, so am I." Seth moved to the doorway and yelled with his back still turned to his parents,

"And don't worry dad, you can cancel the check to Brown. I didn't get in."


	3. Chapter 3

Slow Descent

Part Three.

Seth was sitting on the beach watching the sun drip below the horizon when Ryan found him. Two hours after Kirsten called him to let him know Seth had made an appearance at the house, Ryan decided he still had to find him. For the last three years, the only person Seth ever opened up to was Ryan and he was determined to get to the bottom of his latest addiction, if there even was a reason.

He approached him slowly and appeared at Seth's side without him noticing until Ryan spoke,

"So you're just going to run away?" Seth didn't respond to the question, even though Ryan had expected a witty response as per usual.

"I was worried," Ryan continued, still expecting a response. Despite their closeness for the past few years, it was always Seth attempting to coax Ryan into talking. He was starting to see the difficulty and aggravation in doing so and appreciated Seth's friendship more than ever. Ryan sat down and stared out at the waves crashing against the shore and then turned his attention to his brother.

Ryan watched as Seth kept his stoic gaze on the water,

"Talk to me, Seth," Ryan pleaded and they sat in silence for a few moments.

"They expected more out of me," he started, and realized Ryan would just let him talk without interruption. "I thought I'd do more in my life. Better than this. I stay out of trouble, I don't cause it. I didn't mean for it to get out of hand. I just needed—I needed something to get me through it. To distract me." Ryan looked down and saw the stain on Seth's shirt.

"You're bleeding," he stated. Seth didn't even tear his eyes away from the water and responded,

"It happens."

"You said let me die," that phrase had been running through Ryan's head all day as he looked for his brother, not knowing what he'd do. This made Seth turn his head,

"What?"

"When you were sleeping at the hospital, you said it."

"I don't want to die, Ryan."

"Well, your actions speak louder than words. You're scaring me." They locked eyes and then Seth tore away as he stood up and walked toward the road.

"Seth! Come on, man." Ryan followed his brother up the dunes and grabbed his arm to turn him around.

"You really want to do this? You already had it out with Summer and Sandy, you want to pull away from me, too?"

"I can't do this, Ryan," Seth yelled back, staring straight at his brother.

"Can't do what? So you didn't get into Brown! You'll go next semester instead. You need to get over it, man."

"This is bigger than Brown."

"Just talk to me. What's going on with you?"

"I have cancer," and with that, Seth walked back up the dune and left yet another devastated friend in his path.

00000

After an hour of reveling in disbelief, Ryan unlocked the door to the Cohen house and walked slowly to the kitchen. There he saw Kirsten sitting at the counter, hunched over with her hand holding up her head.

"No luck?" She said, knowing Ryan either didn't find Seth or couldn't talk enough sense into him and make him come home.

"No, I found him. He uh, he's in rough shape, Kirsten," Ryan's eyes glistened as he watched Kirsten get up and pour herself a glass of water. "What exactly did Sandy say to him before?"

"It doesn't matter," she said, with a touch of sadness.

"Where's Sandy now?"

"He went to the office. It's unbelievable, I don't know how he could work right now."

"Kirsten?"

"Ryan, what is it? What's wrong?" As Kirsten moved toward Ryan with concern, he couldn't make eye contact with her. Ryan's eyes started to fill with tears, but they didn't fall. Kirsten pulled him into a hug. "Shh…Ryan, it'll be all right. Seth's fine, it's going to be fine." He pulled back,

"No, no it's not."

"Ryan, what happened? Where's Seth?" Kirsten was hot with worry and a flash of panic escaped her.

"He's sick."

"What? Stop it, Ryan."

"I'm sorry, Kirsten. I think Seth should be the one to tell you."

"Ryan, you tell me what's going on with my son. You tell me right now," she was stern and used a tone Ryan had never heard before.

"He said he has cancer." Kirsten faltered back and her glass dropped to the ground, shattering against the floor. She stared back at Ryan and couldn't grasp what he had just said. She sat down on the stool situated behind the counter. "Say it again," she said.

"He has cancer."

Kirsten paused for a brief moment and then looked around the kitchen frantically, "We have to call Sandy. Where's the phone? Where's the damn phone, Ryan?" He watched her search for the cordless with concern and then helped her find it. She grabbed it from his hands and then collapsed against the counter in tears. Still clutching the phone, Ryan took it from her and dialed Sandy's number.

"Sandy, you need to come home," Ryan told him as soon as he picked up with a gruff hello.

"Ryan, I have a lot of work here--" he began,

"Get home. Now." Ryan shot back with fury. Sandy shut his cell and stared back at it. He looked at the papers scattered on his desk and picked up his briefcase. In a moment of weakness he threw it against the wall and then looked up to the door to see Seth.

His face was twisted with a mixture of grief and guilt. Still dressed in his tux, sans tie, Seth filled the doorframe and held onto the sides to keep him sturdy. Sandy stared back at his son and noticed his contorted demeanor.

"Dad?" Seth's voice cracked with anguish. He moved toward his father, who coincided. Seth fell into his arms, gripping Sandy's shirt.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I can't do this anymore." Seth breathed.

"We'll get through this, son," Sandy responded, rubbing his back. "We'll get through it together, ok?"

"It's not going to be ok," Seth mustered. "Dad, I found out—I have bone cancer." Sandy stared back at Seth speechless, "I can't do this alone anymore," he went on. After a short pause, Sandy responded,

"Like I said, we'll get through this together."

0000

Sandy opened the front door for Seth and he made his way to the kitchen. There he saw his mother cleaning up the broken glass. She got up and ran to him and hugged him tightly. He buried his head in her shoulder. He saw Ryan emerge from the back door and then he slowly broke away from his mom. He looked at Ryan and moved toward him,

"I'm sorry," Ryan said. Seth firmly grabbed his shoulder and responded,

"I'm the one that messed up." He turned to his family, still standing next to Ryan, "It's no excuse. Everything I've done, I can't take it back. Sorry isn't going to cut it." Kirsten noticed his sleeve,

"You're bleeding," she said, staring at the stain.

"Yeah, it won't stop. I guess it's fairly common…" He trailed off.

"We all need to talk this through," Sandy started, finally being the calm voice of reason, the role he was so used to.

"I know, you're right. But I need to find Summer, I messed up, I need to set things straight," Seth moved to leave the house again, but Kirsten stopped him.

"Why don't you check upstairs first," she said. Seth gave her a quizzical look and realized Summer must be in his room waiting for him.

As he swung the door open to his bedroom, he saw her sitting on his bed, staring at her hands in her lap. She looked so innocent and sweet, the things he loved about her the most. She looked up at him and a flash of utter pain went through her eyes. Seth stared back at her and couldn't muster any words.

"What you said at the hospital, do you really believe all that?" She asked quietly.

"No, Summer. The only reason I said those things," he let out a sigh and sat on his bed alongside her. "What I'm going through right now, I didn't want you to see it. I love you, but I didn't want you to know."

"You love me so much that you broke up with me?"

"That was a mistake, one of many."

"Yeah, let's talk about those mistakes, Cohen," she got up off the bed and paced in the room. "So, let me just get it all straight. You started smoking pot and that just wasn't cool enough for you so you started popping pills, then you went straight for the coke, which makes no sense to me. You do this all without us finding out, probably because I was off gallivanting around talking nonstop about prom, all the while you got rejected from Brown…"

"You said gallivanting," he said, smiling for the first time since the night before.

"Cohen…"

"Summer, this wasn't your fault. I'm a sneaky guy, I know how to be mysterious. I hadn't been doing this stuff for a while anyway. Two weeks, maybe."

"That's suppose to make it better?"

"No, but I needed to distract myself from a few things. Summer, listen to me. I love you, you've always been the one for me. And before you rip me a new one, which I rightly deserve, I need to tell you something."

"Seth, you're scaring me," she said, furrowing her brow and sitting back down next to him. Seth took her hands in his,

"I have cancer," he was letting it sink in and then continued, "I found out a few weeks ago. Routine doctor's check turned out to be anything but routine. One blood test later and… I just told my parents and Ryan."

After a pause, she responded, "What type?"

"They said bone cancer. It's spread up my leg and--"

"So you've been keeping this to yourself the whole time? You thought a line of coke would be better than telling me?"

"I did anything that would take my mind off it, Summer. I pushed you away so you wouldn't have to deal with it. So I wouldn't have to deal with it. I didn't want to hurt you."

"And seeing you collapse at the prom from an overdose didn't hurt me?" She bit back, angrily.

"I'm sorry. Summer, I'm so sorry."

"What are we going to do? What's the next step?"

"Acceptance, I guess."

"No, I mean medically, what happens?"

"I don't know, as soon as they told me I blew it off and left. I don't even want to think about it."

"Well, you're going to have to now, Cohen. You can't die! How could you do this? How could you do this to me?" She began to heave with sobs and pushed him away, but he grabbed her and forced her into a hug.

"Summer, I'll be fine."

"How do you know that? You don't know anything; you haven't even talked to a doctor about this. You're going to die." she spat out. Seth pushed her away and looked at her wrought with fear. "Seth, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…I just don't know how to take this."

"Yeah, neither did I," he got up. "Maybe you should go," he went to hold the door open for her to leave.

"What? No…Seth, we need to talk about this. Don't push me away again. I'm here for you."

"You're here for me? You just told me I was going to die, Summer. That's not the touchy-feely sentiment I was looking for."

"I just don't know what to say. What do I say? Tell me what to say," she pleaded. Seth moved toward her, his voice elevating,

"Tell me I'm going to be fine. Tell me this isn't happening. Tell me to just forget about all of this and we can go back to the way things were."

"I can't do that, Seth. This is happening," she said softly. "You need to accept it. This is happening." He looked away from her and shook his head, a tear rolling down his cheek,

"This is happening," she said again. His anxiety took over and he collapsed into her arms, falling to the bed.

"I don't want to die, I'm not strong enough for this," he cried and Summer held him as he sobbed. She rubbed his back and kissed his forehead, "You're not alone anymore," she said, trying to comfort him. "We're going to get through all this." Seth's cries softened and eventually they both drifted off to sleep, each hoping to find strength in one another.


	4. Chapter 4

Slow Descent

a/n: sorry it's taken a while, i'm losing steam on this one, any suggestions for what you'd like to see? Thanks.:-)

Part Four.

When morning finally came, Seth woke up with the sun beating down on him through the window. He looked down to see Summer nestled in his arm, sound asleep, looking as peaceful as ever. He could feel his eyes were still tight from crying and decided to wash his face. Ten minutes later he found himself walking to the pool house with two cups of coffee in his hand.

"Hey, man," Seth said as he opened the door, "You decent?" He peered in and saw Ryan sitting at the edge of his bed.

"Yeah, yeah. Come on in." He reached for the coffee and nodded in appreciation. "You work things out with Summer?"

"Sure. We hashed things out."

"Are we going to do the same?" Seth looked up at Ryan from his relaxed position on the floor, legs stretched out, one foot crossed over the other. He gave him a look to say he was sorry and Ryan shook his head, "You don't need to say anything. But if you ever want to, you know I'm there for you. We can always hash."

Instead of tossing back a witty comment to Ryan's genuine sentiment, Seth nodded his head. "Thank you." He looked around to start a conversation, "So prom, huh? Good times…the DJ was just, off the hook, right?"

"Yeah, totally dope," Ryan laughed.

"I heard this kid OD-ed or something, caused a big ruckus. What a prick," Seth said with a regrettable smile. They sat in silence for a few minutes and then Sandy gave a knock at the door.

"Hey boys, how about you come on into the house. We should talk. Maybe some idle conversation over bagels and coffee." Ryan looked up confused, but Seth caught the jab.

"Only if there's shmear," he said.

"What's a bagel without?" Sandy responded.

"Get in the car, we're going to see the doctor." Kirsten said as soon as the men walked into the kitchen.

"You promised shmear," Seth whined.

"Take it for the road," Sandy said, picking up his car keys. "Ryan, you coming?" Ryan looked at Seth, who replied.

"You don't have to man, I know you're not a hospital fan."

"Right, yeah. Go with your parents, I'll stick around here. Maybe call Marissa."

"All right, well, let's rock and roll, shall we?" Seth said resolutely and headed toward the door.

And with that, they went to find out what the future held, leaving Ryan behind, contemplating his next move. He picked up his cell phone and went to dial Marissa's number, but decided he would rather see her.

He got in his car to drive and as he started toward Marissa's it all hit him: Seth, the only true brother Ryan felt he's ever had, had cancer. He pictured him from the other night at the hospital, laying helpless amidst the white sheets, and realized it wouldn't be the last time Ryan would see him like that.

The whole family was in for months of hospital visits, whether he liked them or not, and dozens of tests. Ryan gripped the steering wheel fiercely and hot tears emerged from his eyes. The fact Seth didn't tell him earlier and that he resorted to drugs made Ryan even more angry, as he wiped away his tears.

He quickly pulled into Marissa's driveway and leaned over the wheel, upset about everything that had transpired. He had little sleep the night before, but then he was trying to think of anything else besides the obvious. A knock at the window startled him out of his morbid thoughts.

"Hey you," Marissa said as Ryan quickly jumped out of the car. She noticed his red face and bloodshot eyes. "What's the matter? Is it Seth?"

"It's nothing," Ryan said, trying to look away from Marissa.

"Ryan…"

"He has cancer. They're at the hospital now," Marissa looked surprised, but then said Summer had already stopped by,

"She was here this morning, told me everything. Ryan, I'm so sorry. I know how close you two--"

"He's my best friend. He's my best friend and he's dying," he said, a tear escaping down his cheek.

"Ryan, he's going to be all right. They probably caught it early enough and the Cohens can afford the best facilities," Marissa looked concerned, mostly for Ryan, as she rarely sees him so emotional.

"But what if he's not, huh? What am I going to do then?" After a short pause, Marissa replied,

"You'll get through it. But first, you need to make sure he gets through it, as best he can." Ryan nodded, then took her hand,

"I should be there with him. I'm going to the hospital, come with me?"

"Of course," she replied, as they jumped in the car. As they approached the hospital in welcomed silence, Marissa held Ryan's right hand tightly as he drove. Three years ago she would never have guessed that Seth Cohen would have sent everyone around her into such a tailspin. Although, three years ago she would never have guessed Seth Cohen would be dying.

A quick phone call to Sandy ensured they were on the third floor of the hospital in the waiting room. Ryan and Marissa joined them, as they all waited patiently for Seth to emerge from the hallway.

"Any word yet?" Ryan asked.

"We just filled out some paperwork, but they're talking to Seth now," Sandy replied. "They gave us some brochures, explained a bit, but now they're just running some tests."

"So this is really happening, huh?" Ryan asked, hoping it had all been a bad dream. Sandy grabbed his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"We're going to get through this, just have a little faith." A few moments later, Seth pushed his way through the swinging doors followed by a tall doctor. Seth headed straight for his family and noticed Ryan there,

"Hey man, you didn't have to come."

"Yeah I did," Ryan responded.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cohen, good to see you again, though I wish under better circumstances," the doctor then looked at Ryan, realizing he was part of the family. "I'm Dr. Jameson, I spoke to your parents earlier today. You must be Ryan," he shook his hand. "I can assure you, your brother is in good hands." Ryan nodded, not sure if he believed the doctor.

"But unfortunately, there will be a bit of a complication," he turned to Sandy and Kirsten. "Seth has to attend rehab after being admitted to the hospital yesterday for the overdose."

"Damn, there's no 'get out of jail free because I have cancer' card?" Seth joked, though no one responded with laughter, instead a few menacing glares.

"I'm afraid not. There's an overnight treatment facility right outside of Newport, but that will be a two-week stint. We need to get started on the treatment immediately, so I suggest Seth checks into this hospital to undergo chemotherapy, as we discussed earlier, as well as the rehab program offered by our staff."

"And how long will he have to stay here?" Kirsten asked.

"It depends on how he responds to the treatment, I can't make any promises. Could be two weeks, could be two months." Kirsten glanced at Seth, who was soaking in all of the information.

"When do I start?" Seth asked, staring at the ground.

"Sooner the better. We can get you checked in today," Seth nodded at the doctor's response.

"Ok. Then let's do it," Seth said resolutely, surprising those around him who were all a bit shocked by the urgency expressed by Dr. Jameson and how quickly Seth would be checked into the hospital.

"You can speak with the nurse about getting checked in, I'm sure I'll see you all again shortly," Dr. Jameson said as he was leaving,

"Thanks for everything, doctor." Sandy shook his hand and the group was left standing in a circle.

"So, how about we get your stuff at home and come in tonight," Sandy suggested.

"No," Seth said, still looking at the ground.

"Seth, you have to do this, you have no other choice," Kirsten pleaded with him.

"I know that, I mean--I can't go home," he looked up to his parents, his eyes a bit moist. "If I step out of this hospital, I won't come back." Sandy nodded in comprehension, realizing his son's apparent fear of the situation.

"Ok, that's not a problem. We can gather a few things for you at the house and bring them over tonight."

"That'd be good," Seth said.

"Let's get you checked in, ok?" Kirsten linked arms with Seth and they headed to the nurses' station to fill out some more paperwork.

Marissa turned to Ryan, "Maybe we should get Summer? I'm sure Seth would want her here," she said.

"That's a good idea, he hasn't seen her all day," Ryan responded.

"I'll go call her and meet her downstairs," Marissa gave Ryan a quick kiss on the cheek and then waved a goodbye to Sandy, who was left standing next to Ryan, hands in their pockets.

"Kind of surreal, eh?" Sandy said, watching the nurses all hurry by.

"Yeah, can't believe this is happening," Ryan said solemnly. "Seth is taking it well though," which received a look from Sandy.

"Right, now that the coke habit has dispersed." Ryan nodded, unsure of how to respond. He sympathized with Seth's actions, though he didn't condone them. He wished he had spoken to him earlier, but realized talking about the situation was the last thing Seth wanted at the time.

"He's doing the best he can," Ryan finally answered.

Kirsten and Seth approached them, hands full of papers and brochures.

"All set?" Sandy asked.

"You guys don't have to go in with me, it's totally fine," Seth said, looking at his family. "I'll just see you later, during visiting hours or whatever. I'm sure you have stuff going on and…"

"Seth, save it," Kirsten said. "Nothing is more important right now. Nothing." Seth nodded and smiled slightly in relief.

"Let's go," he said. And the four of them walked through the swinging double doors, Seth leading the way. They reached room 314, a room that would become very familiar over the next few weeks.

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a/n: so sorry if this is sucking, I want to keep going with this, but not sure how to do it. Thanks for reading, much appreciated!


	5. Chapter 5

Slow Descent

Part Five.

Sitting up in his bed, adorned in what seemed to be the same hospital gown as his first visit, Seth stared out the window, wishing this wasn't happening. He had undergone the beginning stages of chemotherapy and was only in day four of his hospital visit. Today would be his first day with his rehab counselor. He knew she had entered the room without a glance toward the door.

"Seth? I'm Dr. Hines, I'll be your counselor for the next two weeks." She went over to the bed and stood there, expecting a handshake, but sat down when she realized she wouldn't get one. They sat in silence for a few minutes and she rested a clipboard on her knee, looking over some papers.

"Cocaine and … pills. Not too inventive for a Newport kid, eh?" She said, glancing back up at Seth who remained quiet.

"How much would you give for a line of coke right now, Seth?" The counselor asked point blank.

"Uh, I'm good without, thanks," he finally spoke up.

"Are you? What if I set up a line right here, right now. Are you telling me you wouldn't want to roll up a fiver and hit it?"

"You can lose the drug lingo, it's lost on me," he said, finally looking over to his counselor, keeping his arms crossed.

"Oh, ok. So you're not now, nor have ever been, a drug addict," she said simply.

"I snorted coke six times. What kind of drug addict keeps count?"

"Why did you keep track?" Seth shrugged in response to the plain question. "And what about the pills, did they help you through what's going on now?"

"I was just trying to ignore everything."

"And did that work for you?"

"Look around, does it seem like things are peachy keen?" Seth bit back.

"What would you rather be doing right now?"

"If you're implying that I'd rather be stoned, you better start steering the conversation in a different direction," he said.

"No, I like where this is headed, what would you rather be doing right now?" After a slight pause, Seth responded.

"I'd rather be playing video games with my brother and let him win. Or eating crappy take-out food for dinner with my parents. Or shopping with my girlfriend, holding her purse while she tries the same outfit on a million times. I'd rather be trying on my cap and gown for graduation instead of wondering when I'll be getting an alternative hospital gown, because let's face it, this one doesn't exactly bring out the color in my eyes."

"That's a long list. Sounds like there are a lot of people you care about," she started, taking note of Seth turning toward the window. "So why did you turn to drugs and not to them for help?" She was answered by yet another bought of silence. "Are you upset about missing your graduation? Did you enjoy high school?"

"Look, lady, I know this is your job and everything and that's cool, I can totally respect what you're doing, but don't expect me to pour my heart and soul into this. I have bigger things going on in my life right now beyond the fact I did what every other kid my age does in this town. And there are only two things that make them different from me, one--I got caught and two--they're still snorting coke."

Dr. Hines nodded, "I can understand all of that and I appreciate where you're coming from," she paused and then added, "But yes, you did get caught, so now you get to see me everyday while we try and get you to quit, even if you think you've kicked the habit. Because when you get out of here, what will stop you from going back to your old lifestyle?"

"Maybe the fact I have cancer and will be undergoing the most strenuous of treatments for the next two months? Or maybe the fact I've finally come to grips with what's happening to me so I don't need to down a bottle of pills to forget about all of this."

"_Have_ you come to grips with all of this?"

"Uh, let's see, I've denied it, I got angry about it, I've cried, I've bargained, and oh wait…I think that all might have led up to step five--acceptance. So congratulations, doc, I'm cured of my coke addiction, you've been a great help. Feel free to leave," he paused, waiting for her to get up. "Anytime now…"

"It's not that easy," she said.

"Yeah, I'm starting to get that." A nurse came into the room before Dr. Hines could ask another question,

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but it's time for his medication," the nurse said.

"Looks like your request has been fulfilled, Seth, I'm out of here," Dr. Hines said, gathering her papers.

"Nope, getting knocked out for three hours of sleep wasn't on my things I'd rather be doing list," he replied.

"I'll be seeing you tomorrow," and with that, Dr. Hines left the room and left Seth to fall into a restful sleep with little time to think about his first session with the counselor.

A few hours later, Seth opened his eyes to see Ryan sitting at his bedside, staring down at him. As soon as Seth fluttered an eye open, Ryan scrambled to open his book and pretend he was reading it.

"Hey man," Seth croaked in a sleepy voice.

"Hey," Ryan said quickly, putting his book down. "How you feeling?"

"Pretty excellent," Seth winced as he pushed himself up with his elbows. "Had my first rehab session with the counselor today."

"Yeah? How'd it go?"

"I was pretty feisty. Maybe a little too feisty," he confessed.

"She's here to help you, Seth. Maybe you should give it a chance," Ryan said, noticing Seth giving a dismissive nod.

"So how's the home front without me? Lonely and depressing I hope." Ryan gave a chuckle,

"Actually, it's amazing how much I can get done when you're not around. I finished a take-home essay in under an hour without you begging me to join in a video-game duel." Seth smiled at this, the reaction Ryan was going for, hoping it wouldn't upset him.

"Please, you'll be begging me for all-night video-game marathons by next week," Seth's smile faded a bit as he realized something. "So, I guess graduation won't be happening for me, huh?" Seth said sullenly. Ryan looked up at him, remembering that their graduation was scheduled for next week. In the midst of all the chaos, Ryan barely remembered he had school on Monday, let alone graduation.

"Wow, I didn't—I hadn't even thought about it," Ryan said.

"It's cool, I mean, I don't like most of those people anyway and it'll prolly be hot out, right? I don't need to be sweating my ass off with that cap and gown—polyester, pretty gross," Seth said with a half smile, trying to convince himself.

"Well, maybe we can get you out of here by then? At least for the day?"

"No, I don't think so," they sat in silence for a few moments and Ryan finally asked Seth what was on his mind,

"Talk to me," he said. Seth looked at him and ran his hand through his hair and then shook his head.

"I don't know. I wish this wasn't happening," Seth replied.

"Yeah, me too."

"Ryan, I can't get all sentimental, it's not in my character," Ryan gave him a look that said otherwise, "Ok, ok, so I tend to be a little more emo than I give myself credit for, but still, I don't even know what I'm feeling right now, so it's hard to verbalize it."

"Try," Ryan pleaded.

"I miss the way things used to be. I miss you guys and Summer and the whole being 18 thing. I want to go back to sitting in the lounge, drinking coffee, and just worrying about if mom's gonna attempt to cook some god awful meal. But worrying about this whole life or death situation? I'm not digging it, Ryan, and I sure as hell don't enjoy rehashing my last few weeks as an alleged drug addict."

"Addict? Really?"

"Counselor's term, not mine. I just dabbled on the dark side of the drug world, nothing as serious as a so-called addict."

"How'd you work up enough balls to go buy cocaine, anyway? It's very anti-Seth," Ryan asked.

"I walked by the guy ten times before I got the nerves to ask for the pills. Eventually, I didn't care. That's the thing, I needed it, so I didn't care. I needed to forget about all of this. I didn't want to face it. And can you blame me? It's week one and already I'm feeling like shit. I'm stuck in here alone all day and now I'm missing graduation. I'm missing everything I've looked forward to for the past 18 years. I would have been better off ignoring it all."

"Seth, you need to know this was the right thing to do. Telling us, facing it. You can't ignore something like this, you'd end up dead."

"I may as well be at this point,"

"Come on, man, don't say that."

"I know, I'm sorry, I don't mean it like that, it's just, I want it to be over."

"Soon enough it will be."

"I wish you were right, Ryan, but something like this? It'll never be over." Again they sat in silence for a few brief moments, each of them soaking up what the other had said.

"How's Summer? I haven't seen her since the day before yesterday," Seth asked.

"She said she wanted to come in today. She's fine though, just doing the school thing," Ryan responded, noticing Seth's worried look.

"She told me to give you a hug," Ryan paused, "And a kiss. But, how about we stick with a high five," Seth smiled and lifted his hand.

"Is it wrong for me to not want her here?" Seth asked, shifting to a serious mood. Ryan looked at him quizzically, urging him to elaborate.

"She doesn't need to see me like this. I'm wimpy enough as it is, this won't help." He said, staring down at himself in his hospital gown amidst the starch white sheets.

"You just have to face it, when Summer looks at you all she sees is a hot, manly man," Ryan said, trying to guide the conversation to be more jovial. Seth smiled back weakly,

"Yeah, it's true. I'm pretty studly," Ryan laughed at this and then decided he should go.

"I'll be back tomorrow. Marissa's got this thing, told her I'd go."

"Party?"

"No, a study thing, I don't know. I wasn't really listening," Ryan jokingly admitted.

"All right man, take it easy."

"Yeah, you too. Try not to turn the hospital upside down with all your antics."

"Right, I'll try to contain myself." Ryan left the room wondering what Seth would do once he left. He didn't have too many options, he supposed. Read, watch tv, or sleep were pretty much the only things on his agenda.

As Ryan headed to Marissa's house, he called Sandy to check in and give him an update on Seth. His parents visited the hospital everyday, usually twice a day, but Sandy had more work than he expected today and couldn't make it.

"Sandy, hey."

"How are my boys doing?"

"Not bad, I just left the hospital and--"

"So soon?"

"Yeah, I have to study for finals. But he was fine," Ryan said as he made a turn at a stop light.

"Ok, of course. Yeah. Don't get behind on your studies, graduation is just around the corner."

"About that. Seth seemed pretty upset that he wouldn't make it to the ceremony next week. Isn't there something we can do? He should be there."

"I don't know, Ryan. Even if we could get him out of doing the treatments for the day, I don't know what his counselor would say about that."

"It'd only be for a couple hours, can't you talk to somebody?"

"I'll see what I can do. Hey, listen, I've got to get back to work, but thanks for checking in. You sure he's all right?"

"He will be. Thanks Sandy, I'll see you back at home later tonight."

"Sure thing, Ryan. I'll see ya." Sandy snapped his phone shut and looked down at all of his paperwork that had piled up on his desk. He leaned back in his chair and let out a breath. He picked up his phone and dialed a number from a business card that he had taped to his desk.

He let the phone ring and left a message,

"Hey, Dr. Hines. Sandy Cohen here, I was hoping I could talk to you about my son, Seth. It's about his graduation. Just give me a call back, I'm pretty sure you have the number. Thanks." He hung up and set his elbows on his desk, ready to dig into his work, all the while hoping he would get to see his son walk across the stage and get his diploma.


	6. Chapter 6

Slow Descent

Part Six.

The end of week two of Seth Cohen's hospital stay was no different from his first, except now he knew the routine. A 7 a.m. wake-up call from Nurse Knowles, would get him ready for Summer's visit before she had to leave for school, which was followed by the interns round at nine. A couple hours of reading would be followed by a mid-day visit from Kirsten or Sandy, when they would often sneak him some edible food that he could never keep down, but he thanked them anyway.

By three, he had already seen two sappy soap operas, which led up to waiting for his time with Ryan. They would sit and make fun of Oprah, but more often than not Seth would end up crying at whatever sob story she was profiling that day. This was always interrupted by his hour-long rehab session with Dr. Hines, who had seemingly become less annoying, so Seth extended her the same courtesy and nipped the feistiness in the bud.

He would undergo his treatments for the chemotherapy after his time with Dr. Hines, which always lasted longer than he wanted. On the lucky days, Seth would share his dinner in the company of his parents, but for the last couple of days, he ate alone because his treatment was lasting longer.

He would watch the activity outside his room; bustling nurses, scurrying interns, and the occasional doctor examining a clipboard. He always wondered what was written on those clipboards, what other people's ailments were. Were any of them going through what he was going through?

It was around 8 a.m. and Seth's thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. He hoped it was Summer, who hadn't been by that morning, but instead Sandy and Kirsten walked in.

"Wow, is this a two for one deal, or what? What do I owe the pleasure?" Seth asked, pleased to see his parents.

"Just thought we'd drop by," Kirsten said, smiling down at her son and giving him a kiss on the forehead. Then Seth noticed they were dressed up,

"You guys didn't have to go all out for me, I don't think the hospital has a dress code," he laughed, looking up at his parents and placing his comic book across his lap.

"Oh, he must have forgot," Kirsten said, looking to Sandy.

"It's graduation day," Sandy explained simply, which brought a sad look to Seth's face.

"Right, right, I totally spaced it. Nobody's talked about it, that's weird. How's the gang, all ready for that walk? All ten feet of it?" He tried to joke, but his parents took note of his dismayed demeanor.

"We dropped Ryan off at the school, he needed to be there a couple hours early," Kirsten explained. "But we wanted to come by and see you first, how are you?"

"I'm fine. So what's the deal with the ceremony, who's speaking anyway?"

"Seth, we don't have to talk about it, we just wanted to see how you were," Sandy said, not wanting to upset his son.

"I said I'm fine," Seth said with an aggravated tone. "Every time you ask me I say I'm fine. We finally have something better to talk about other than me, so let's talk about it," he said, not regretting a word and looking to both of his parents to supply him with answers about his friends' big day that he would be missing.

"All right, well, Taylor Townsend is speaking, she's valedictorian I think. You know Taylor, right?" Kirsten asked.

"Yeah, I know Taylor. That'll be good. She'll be…inspirational, I'm sure," Seth offered.

"Look, Seth, we tried to get you out of here, I talked to Dr. Hines and Dr. Jameson, but they said it wouldn't be good for you to leave," Sandy explained.

"Yeah, I figured. That's why I never bothered to ask. Thanks for trying though," Seth looked down.

"They just—they thought it'd be better if you didn't go back in that environment. And with your treatments increasing, it'd be better--"

"Yeah, dad, I get it. It's fine," he said, followed by a short pause. "Look, I'm sure you have a lot to do, you'll want to get good seats, so I'm good with my comic book. Ya know, it's the whole good versus evil plot, I'm wondering who'll prevail," he said, looking down at his book.

"Oh, ok. Sure, sweetie. That's fine," Kirsten said, leaning in to give Seth a hug, not before she gave Sandy a worried glance.

"I'll see you guys," Seth gave a short wave as his parents left the room. Sandy stood by the door once he shut it and crossed his arms,

"There's got to be a way to get him out of here. It's two hours, what's the harm?"

"Sandy, you talked to the doctors yourself. If they think it's best he stay, maybe we should listen."

"It's not like we don't have control over him. We'll sign some papers if that's what they're worried about," he rubbed his temples, trying to conjure up a plan. "Think we could bust him out of here under the radar?"

"Sandy! Are you kidding? That would be the most immature thing for us to do…" Kirsten said, but with a slight hint of consideration.

"But not too immature for a group of his high school friends…" Sandy said.

"I'll call Ryan," Kirsten said, showing a smile.

Back in Seth's room he leaned against his pillows, arms crossed behind his head. He had become more tired lately and a simple walk to the door was getting to be a bit of a burden. He had started out walking to the second floor for his treatment, but now they wheeled him away in a chair.

The thought of missing his graduation made Seth feel even more depressed about his situation. He had already started to experience a few bouts of nausea and he had been sick a few times the last couple of days, but this feeling was so much worse, it seemed. Missing seeing his friends graduate. Mostly he wanted to be there for his brother. Graduating from high school was always the obvious end to his career at Harbor High, but that wasn't always the case for Ryan.

He considered going AWOL for a moment, but decided once was enough, his parents would never understand. He would just have to settle for a crappy video recording of the ceremony and relive it vicariously through stories from his friends. He decided to call Summer and wish her luck, he grabbed his phone and dialed the number from memory. No answer…

"Hey Summer, so I just heard it's graduation day. Wow, time flies, right? Sorry I forgot about it, I wasn't really sure what day it was—well hey, it doesn't matter. What matters is you're graduating, yay. Ok…that was lame. Anyway, I want to say congratulations. And with Brown coming up for you, this is just great. I mean really, it's really really awesome. And now I'm rambling. Ok, so call me after the ceremony? Once the pictures are snapped and the tassels are pushed to the other side. Is it the left or right side? You might want to ask, I never remember, those mortar boards are tricky…one means something and the other…ok, I'm done. I love you and good luck."

He snapped his phone shut and sat back against his pillows again. He thought of his time spent with Summer over the last few years. Watching her from afar and then actually being with the girl of his dreams. The girl of every high school boy's dreams. And as if on cue, his door opened and there she was. Dressed in a white spring dress dotted with purple flowers.

"Summer…"

"Hey baby," she smiled and went over to him, giving him a kiss.

"I just called you, no love."

"Yeah, I was already on my way here. I'm not alone," she looked back and Ryan and Marissa entered the room.

"Hey man, how's it going?" Ryan asked.

"Couldn't be better now that you guys are here, are you gonna be late for the ceremony?"

"Well, I have a feeling things are going to get a little better…we're busting you out of this joint," Summer said with a devilish grin, holding his hand.

"What?" Seth asked, confused about the plan.

"I'll go keep lookout," Marissa said and left the room.

"Come on, get up," Summer tried to pull Seth forward but he leaned back again.

"Wait, what about my parents, they'll go postal,"

"It was mostly their idea," Ryan admitted. "We were already on our way to do it, but then Kirsten called with the go-ahead."

"Wow, talk about unexpected. This is all very cloak and dagger, I like it," Seth said, swinging his legs over the bed.

"I don't have clothes--"

"Got you covered," Ryan handed him a shirt and pants, along with a tie. "Cap and gown are at school. You ordered it in December, I picked it up with mine last week."

"You kids really planned this one out, huh?" Seth said with a smile. "Just hold on, I'll change." He slowly walked to the bathroom with his clothes in his hands. Summer sat down on his bed and whispered to Ryan,

"Think this is a good idea?"

"Good? No. But we're doing it anyway."

"All right, it's not like that's stopped us before in any of our wacky plans. Think he'll be ok?" Summer asked.

"He wants this, he needs this." Summer nodded in response and then Marissa busted through the door.

"We've got a problem, guys."

"What is it?" Summer jumped off the bed,

"That counselor is on her way down the hall, I think she's headed here." Ryan went to the door,

"I'll handle it," and with that he walked into the hallway and nearly bumped into Dr. Hines.

"Hi Ryan, you're here early today." She greeted him with a handshake.

"Um, yeah, hi. So are you," he answered.

"Well, I know today is your graduation, so I just wanted to make sure Seth was all right," she smiled.

"Why would you care? You wouldn't let him leave for two hours to enjoy it himself, so of course he's not all right."

"It's hospital policy, I wish I could make an exception, but it's really best--"

"—for him to stay here, yeah, I heard the spiel."

"Ryan, I know you're upset you won't be able to share this day with your brother," Dr. Hines started, but Ryan interrupted.

"Do you even know what we've been through for the last three years?" Ryan asked and was answered by a blank look from the doctor.

"It's a long story, one that Seth can tell you another time, but not today," Ryan said. "You've only seen this side of him. He's really not an asshole," he went on.

"Ryan, I know. This is a difficult time for him, I understand…"

"No, you see, you don't. Because if you did, you'd know that letting him graduate would be the best thing for him."

"How so? Putting him back in that environment…"

"That environment? Come on, do you really think Seth Cohen is going to snort another line of coke?"

"Would you have expected him to do it a month ago? Because he did." Ryan paused and looked down and lowered his tone.

"He's pulled away from everyone. You usually can't get the kid to shut up, but ever since—well, ever since this all happened, he's changed. And the one thing he needs to get back on track is normality. Friends, family, graduation. It's not just a ceremony and cap and gown for him, it's feeling like himself again," he paused and waited for a response from the doctor, who seemed to realize where Ryan was coming from but didn't offer a reply. So Ryan continued,

"So I'm gonna go back in there with my friends and we're getting Seth and the four of us are going to our high school graduation. We'll be gone for two hours and then he'll be right back here, I can promise you that. Because it might just be a stupid graduation ceremony to you, but for us? It's the culmination of four years that we'll never get back." Dr. Hines nodded and looked at her chart,

"You know? I am a bit early for our meeting, could you tell Seth I'll be back around four?" Ryan showed a smile and then turned serious,

"Of course, I'll let him know." She walked away and he opened the door to see the three of them looking anxious.

"Come on, let's go graduate," and with that, Ryan held Seth up with one arm and guided him out of the hospital, and they made their way to Harbor High one last time.


	7. Chapter 7

There were four empty seats where gown clad grads should have been sitting. The ceremony had started and Sandy and Kirsten sat in the crowd, looking around anxiously, hoping to see their kids make their way to the stage. Julie Cooper sat alongside them, cursing under her breath about her daughter's whereabouts.

"I would like to welcome all students, faculty, families, friends, and of course, our graduates to this very special ceremony, today," the principal began. "Our first speaker has made us all very proud at Harbour and has an extremely promising future. Ladies and gentleman, please welcome to the podium, Taylor Townsend." The crowd gave a polite applause, allowing an opening for the four missing students to make their way to the stage.

Sandy looked over to Kirsten, "better late than never?" They shared a smile and clapped as they watched Summer, Marissa, Ryan, and Seth move towards the stage. Ryan had his arm supporting Seth, who was looking around to absorb the moment.

"So, this is it, huh?" Seth said to Ryan breathlessly as they made their way to their seats.

"You all right?"

"I'm good, Ryan. I'm really good right now." Seth smiled, a sly understatement of how thrilled he really was to be at graduation.

Taylor was mid-sentence when she noticed their arrival. She continued speaking, eying the group every few seconds.

"…and overcoming the challenges presented to us all during the past four years will only aid in pushing us forward into the future and…I'm sorry." Taylor paused. "I can't do this. The truth is, whatever challenges I've faced are in no way comparable to what another student is facing at this very moment."

Ryan leaned over to Seth and whispered, eyes still on Taylor, "looks like you're about to get an intro, buddy."

"Oh, damn it." Seth replied.

"This student is a true inspiration and I think he should have the floor this morning, not me. Seth Cohen, would you like to say something?"

"Oh, oh no." Seth muttered.

"You don't have to, man." Ryan offered, knowing Seth would be completely unprepared for this.

"Um, no, it's cool. Will you just, can you help me up there?" Ryan got up and guided his brother up, with the support of a hand. They walked slowly up to the podium, Seth obviously tired from the hurried trip to the stage.

Taylor beamed a smile to them.

"I'm so proud of you, Seth." Taylor said and forced a hug, she whispered in his ear, "make it good." Seth laughed back, "sure thing, Taylor."

Seth stood in front of the microphone, and squinted, holding a hand up to block the sun for a moment,

"Wow, it's bright out here, huh? Haven't been privy to sunlight for a few weeks now, so this is kind of a treat for me. Um, I don't really know what to say here. Thanks, Taylor, for the opportunity to speak, but I'm really not that inspirational. I did a lot of stupid things a few weeks ago, things I'm not too proud of. Things I'm really sorry about. I mean that, mom and dad. I'm sorry.

I'm definitely not of the role model variety. I was that quirky kid in the back of the class for the last 18 years and no one really noticed me until, well until Ryan joined our family. Ryan's my brother. He's sitting over there. Hi Ryan," Seth points him out in the crowd and Ryan gives a wave of his hand and a side smile.

"For the past couple of weeks I've been thinking over the last few years of my life and I've gotta say, it was a good time. I got a brother, I had friends, I fell in love. I figured out who I am in this crazy mixed up reality we call life and that's what high school's all about, really. I can't say I know everything about myself or the world, but that's what next year's for. And the year after. And the year after that.

And I hope I get there. I _know _I'll get there, and it's mostly thanks to these last four years at Harbour. Sure, there were some hiccups along the way. A random pummeling from some of our manlier sporting icons, a road trip gone awry once or twice, but without those things happening, I don't know if I'd be standing here today. It all made me a stronger person. Surviving high school, huh… it wasn't that tough, actually. Compared to the other challenges life presents, I'd say it's the most enjoyable one we ever get to experience.

So um, yeah… I think my rambling should come to a close. Here's to the class of 2005. And to overcoming the great challenges that lie ahead. Thanks, Harbour, for being our first obstacle we've conquered."

And with a wave of his hand, Seth moved back to his seat and the audience applauded the impromptu speech. Sandy and Kirsten stood up, clapping with pride.

"You had that all stored up, haven't you?" Ryan asked.

"Those are long days in the hospital room, Ryan. A boy's got to keep himself entertained somehow."

"Well said."

The names were called, the diplomas were granted, the pictures were taken. It was everything Seth had hoped for. And then it all ended with a single mention of getting back to the hospital. The bearer of reality was Sandy.

"I know it's not the after-party you were hoping for, but it's time to get back."

The family stood together on the school grounds and Seth looked around him. "Well, I guess this is it for high school. Say goodbye to Harbour, everybody." Kirsten wrapped an arm around her son.

"Oh, you still have a long road ahead of you yet, Seth," She said.

"Long, difficult, meandering road."

"You're going to get through it, all of it. This is just a minor speed bump," she replied.

"Yeah, don't think you're taking the off-ramp quite yet, son. You have plenty of miles left to go," Sandy added.

"All right, can we quit with the road analogies, guys? And actually get on one?" Seth shared a smile with his family, pleased to be in a somewhat normal situation for once in a few weeks.

The four of them walked along the sidewalk, arm in arm, back to reality. But together, it didn't seem so tough. Once they made it to the car, Seth put in The Shins and sat back in his seat.

"Let's roll."


End file.
